Almost every gun post on the Internet, in a single list

   07.13.13

Almost every gun post on the Internet, in a single list

Via the ever popular SayUncle, here’s a link to a blog post which claims to have condensed every gun post on every Internet forum into a single bullet list. A sample:

  • Your gun sucks and you’re holding it wrong.
  • That caliber is ineffective. You would do better to pick something bigger.
  • That caliber is too big / expensive. You would do better with a smaller caliber that is cheaper and gives you higher capacity.
  • I am not a lawyer, I have never argued a case, and in fact I tend to get confused when watching Matlock, but if you do not follow my legal advice to the T you will spend the rest of your life behind bars and that’s after you get the lethal injection while sitting on the chair.
  • Unless a cop hands you the ammunition from his gun, you will go to prison forever should you be forced to shoot someone in self-defense.
  • Your gun sucks because it’s not the same gun that every cop in the tri-state area uses and cops only use the best
  • You have the same gun as the cops? No wonder it sucks. They only have that gun because they got them in a bulk discount, not because it was a good gun.
  • The difference in grip angles between your gun and mine, which can only be measured using a protractor that uses scientific notation to denote the degrees, shows why you gun sucks and is probably why you’re holding it wrong.
  • The instructor for that gun class you took wasn’t in Iraq and didn’t operate with the operatingest operators and thus any training you got was worthless.
  • The instructor for that gun class you took was in Iraq and the techniques he taught you are not valid for civilians and thus you wasted your money.

In the title to this post, I called it “almost every gun post” because there are at least four items that are missing from this guy’s list:

  • Just buy a Glock.
  • Don’t you dare buy a Glock.
  • The OP’s German-made gun is ridiculously overpriced and overhyped. Just buy this American brand that I like, instead. Same quality, half the price.
  • The OP’s German-made gun is the pinnacle of engineering, and it’s like a fine watch, or a high-end sports car, or some other such thing that I’ll never even touch much less own but that I like to use in analogies on the Intenret.

If you have any more nominations for items that should be included, share them in the comments.

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