Michigan University Arms Faculty & Students… With Hockey Pucks.

   11.28.18

Michigan University Arms Faculty & Students… With Hockey Pucks.

Pucks against killers. It’s kinda like fighting wildfire with a squirt gun… you won’t have much effect and you’ll probably get hurt.

You can’t make this stuff up, folks. At least, I can’t. The Detroit Free Press reports that Oakland University has decided its students and faculty should protect themselves in the event of an active shooter using — drum roll, please — hockey pucks.

Heavy sigh for humanity.

To demonstrate the pathetic condition of today’s Americans, the idea grew out of a suggestion from Mark Gordon, Chief of the Oakland University Police Department.

A high-ranking police officer suggested that throwing something at an armed murderer would be a good idea. That is, if you’re not running away or cowering in a corner, wishing you had violated the campus’s no-weapons policy by packing a gun.

Instead of laughing it off, revising their policy to allow personally-carried firearms for self-defense, and replacing Gordon with a reasonable person who actually values human life, the faculty union bought 2,500 hockey pucks.

They. Bought. Hockey. Pucks. For self-defense against an active shooter.

They added some bling to the pucks by having them printed with a number which can be used by folks who wish to donate money towards installing new door locks on the campus.

Professor Tom Discenna, who “spearheaded” the deal, is quoted as saying, “It’s just the idea of having something, a reminder that you’re not powerless and you’re not helpless in the classroom.”

Fling a black disk at some evil dirtbag who’s bent on bloodshed. Great plan, Tom. Now that’s power.

Oakland University students are apparently no wiser than the folks teaching them; the article says “The student congress also recently ordered 1,000 hockey pucks that it intends to distribute to students.”

These are voters and future politicians. We may well be doomed.

Note: Our editor-in-chief Ben Ryder points out that this hockey puck campaign actually violates the university’s own weapons policy! 

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